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My Story

I lost my husband of 17 years to COVID-19 in 2023. His story is a bit complex. We met in the summer of 2005, and he became my instant best friend and companion. We were pretty much inseparable from our very first date.

Six months had gone by, and he began to get ill. He had excruciating pain, fatigue, and was losing weight drastically. My late husband was an outstanding track athlete. He was used to running every single day of his life since childhood, so the fact that he could barely walk-up steps became a major concern. We went to see many doctors, but no one could diagnose what was happening to him. He was in such bad shape that I decided to take him to the hospital in his hometown and admit him there so his mom could visit him as well. After about another month in the hospital, the doctors finally diagnosed him with lupus.

At that time, I had no idea what lupus was. For those who may not know, lupus is a chronic autoimmune disease that causes the body’s immune system to attack healthy tissues. Another important factor is that there’s no cure. Even though the doctors explained all of this to my late husband and me, we were both still optimistic and ready to start any treatments needed to get him back to normal as much as possible. As the years went by, so did several lupus flares. It seemed as if the sun was kryptonite. For a man who loved the beach and outdoor activities, this was a difficult reality to swallow, but he found different ways to protect his skin from the sun. The lupus attacked a nerve in his left eye, causing him to lose complete vision in that eye. This was one of the more difficult setbacks for him to manage. He had pretty much perfect vision, 20/20. He was one of those people who could read the bottom line of an eye chart. Now he had no peripheral vision on his left side, which affected his ability to drive. Lupus flares constantly took a toll on his lungs and his ability to breathe. They would fill with fluid. He described the pain as if you were drowning in your own body.

In 2022, he was diagnosed with lymphoma. As always, he was strong and determined to do whatever it took to fight any battle. After eight rounds of chemo, he successfully beat cancer. He was so excited to be able to eat the foods the doctor had taken him off of.

Unfortunately, two weeks after ringing the bell at the cancer center, I received a frantic phone call from him while I was at work. He told me he couldn’t breathe. As soon as I heard that, I told him I was on the way home. I called 911 en route to the house. When I arrived, he was struggling to breathe. As I watched the EMS staff load him into the truck to transport him to the hospital, I had no idea that that would be the last time he would be able to speak to me. The last thing he said to me was that he wanted Father Chris to come to the hospital.

I waited for about an hour before a doctor came to see me. As the door opened, I saw Father Chris walking down the hallway towards his room. The doctor told me he had COVID-19 and had been placed on a ventilator. I watched them drain fluid from his body, which was swelling, and he was on a dialysis machine. Days turned into weeks, and by the second week, a doctor pulled me aside and told me he didn’t have long. His heart was functioning at 20%. One day later, he was gone.

No one escapes sorrow. I was very fortunate to have family and friends provide the support I needed to endure. It hasn’t been easy, but I can say firsthand that all of these efforts of encouragement were provided to me by my family and friends.

Efforts of Encouragement

1. Providing Comfort: Simple words of encouragement can offer immense comfort during sorrow. Knowing that others care and are there for you can be a soothing balm in difficult times. A quick text, call, or video chat can make a big difference. Set reminders if needed to make sure you stay connected.

2. Offering Hope: Encouragement can help remind you that, even in the darkest moments, there is hope for better days ahead. It reinforces the belief that sorrow is a temporary phase and that healing, and happiness is possible. Let them know you’re worried about them and that you’re here to listen whenever they’re ready to talk.

3. Validating Feelings: Encouragement often includes validating your emotions, letting you know that it’s okay to feel sad and that your feelings are valid. This can be incredibly reassuring and help you process your grief more healthily.

4. Offer Practical Help: If possible, help with tasks like ordering groceries online, arranging transportation, or coordinating with local friends or family to assist them. Visit them or plan a trip to spend some time together. Sometimes, being there in person is the best support.

5. Creating a Sense of Connection: Encouragement helps you feel connected to others, reminding you that you are not alone in your sorrow. This sense of connection can be incredibly comforting and provide a sense of belonging during tough times. Remind them of happy times you’ve shared together. It can bring a smile and a bit of light during dark times.

6. Encouraging Self-Care: Sometimes, encouragement comes in the form of gentle reminders to take care of yourself. Whether it’s taking a break, seeking professional help, or finding small moments of joy, these reminders can be vital for your well-being.

7. Inspiring Resilience: Encouraging words can inspire resilience, reminding you of your inner strength and ability to overcome challenges. They can help you find the determination to keep moving forward and not give up.

8. Use Social Media: A positive post or message on social media can be a public yet gentle reminder of your support.  A simple “I’m thinking of you” or “You’re in my thoughts” can mean a lot. It shows that you care, even if you don’t have all the words.

In times of sorrow, encouragement acts as a beacon of light, guiding you through the darkness and helping you find your way towards healing and recovery.